Glitter Lipstick and a High IQ
by White Scribe
Summary: The worst fear of Artemis Fowl a FANGIRL! None of his friends nor his brains can help him, can someone come to the rescue? Sure thing! Five Chappies. Complete. REVIEW! AXM
1. Chapter 1

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This is an Artemis Fowl one shot. It's all humour, and it's all silliness, but it's classy silliness, I think. So have a go, read it. Oh, and by the way, if you're a fangirl of Artemis Fowl, read the dedication /wink/ it's special.

Enjoy!

-White Scribe

And, no, I don't own any of the characters, cept for Kathleen, but who cares about that. Artemis Fowl and all unoriginal content within this fanfic is Colfer's work. Blah blah blah.

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**_Dedication:_**

**_To all those who enjoy fantasies of the clever boy who discovered the fae of our world, hidden beneath or feet. To those who imagine him in detail while reading the books, ignoring almost to a dim extent the actual plot of the story. To those who write tales of their own to satisfy their facination with those dark blue eyes. To all those who are fangirls of Artemis Fowl II. This, is for you._**

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_Glitter, Lipstick and a High IQ_

Seething, the fourteen year old prodigy stormed into the room, and though the irritation was very much deserving of the word 'storm' there was also a panther like grace that followed his vexed movements.

Brow furrowed he closed the door, quietly, though it actually took some effort and then turned to look around the study, having expected Butler to be within.

He studied it in silence, the smooth red oak of the shelves and the flickering shadows of the light that flowed in through the curtains as the wind moved them. "Butler? Butler?" he stopped after the second 'Butler' hearing a note of urgency close to panic in his voice that not only startled him, but vexed him.

Frowning at himself he listened and then from behind the desk came a small grunt and Butler's shaved head popped up. "Sorry, Artemis. I'm fixing the server system. It crashed everything, including the security cameras. I have Juliet going around checking things out, but I want it up and running as soon as-"

Impatiently, Artemis walked over and sat down at the computer, typing rapidly, making Butler blink mildly at him. "I'm well aware that the security system is down, Butler. There's a mob outside." He more or less snapped, and frowned again at the massive amount of... well, emotion, in his voice.

Butler was up in less than three seconds, which was impressive for any man, let alone one over thirty and his size. "A mob? Is Juliet not watching the gates?"

Artemis didn't reply, his blue eyes coldly focused on the screen, rebooting everything from scratch.

"I would presume she's trying her best." was the boy's calm reply followed by the sound of the door being flung open and Juliet, panting and slightly ruffled up ran into the room.

Butler and Artemis both stared at her, her entrance startling enough to make them both silent.

"There's this...massive mob... just outside the gates..." she managed between breaths.

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Artemis turned away to look at the screen again. "I need to bring this system back up. Meanwhile, please get rid of those people." he muttered, engrossing himself completely in his work.

Butler hesitated to leave, then upon Juliet's urging walked out, calculating in his mind the many ways you can knock down people like bowling pins...

It was two hours, many scratches and runny make up later that Butler returned to the study to find Artemis finalizing details on the network, which had faught him furiously all the way. Sighing the boy pushed away from the computer and rubbed his eyes, standing as Butler entered.

The manservant was covered in dirt, there were tears in his clothing and stains that looked to be lipstick and several shades of eyeshadow smeared across his shirt.

Needless to say, Artemis was rather startled.

"Butler. Whatever happened? It looks as though you fell into Juliet's room."

Butler would have found Artemis saying that the most amusing thing of the day... if it had not been true.

"It was the crowd outside." He muttered, touching a massive hand to a scratch above his eye.

There was silence for a moment, as though Artemis were processing the thought and then very slowly, when he realized he didn't understand he asked. "Lipstick and eyeshadow?"

The manservant would have glared had he not been his employer but instead sighed and stated rather grugidly.

"It was a large group of teenage girls."

Artemis raised both eyebrows. "Teenage girls?"

Butler grumbled then and sat down, rubbing at a stain of red lipstick across his chest. "Yes." At this he did not manage to withold a smirk. "They wanted to see you apperantly."

Silence, cold slightly wary silence.

"Me?" Artemis repeated, and then deciding he did 'not' want to sound like a parrot continued. "That's propostrous. I don't know any teenage girls aside from Juliet and I don't really think she counts."

Not bothering to point out that she would be insulted, the elder Butler child continued.

"Well, they seemed determined to see you. And as far as I'm aware that's the only reason they gave for being at the gate."

If Artemis could have turned any more pale he would have. "Why in all the gods name would they do that?"

Perhaps if he had known that the answer would come crashing into him in the shape of a pink, scantily clad, blonde haired princess he would have kept his mouth shut.

However he did not know and as he asked the question the door flung open behind Butler and the pink, scantily clad blonde princess tackled Butler's principal to the ground.

The scream that ripped the room to shreds was so loud and so high pitched that Butler actually let go of the girl in order to cover his ears which forced Artemis to deal with the groping pink... thing on his chest all alone.

It was only after he had managed to get her hands to loosen around him enough so he could breathe that he realized that the screeching sound she was making was in fact her chanting in long notes "Arty!" over and over, making his ear drums scream almost as much as his nose felt like screaming for the perfume all over her was over powering him nearly to the point of dizziness...

Though that could have also been the lack of air, as her arms tightened around him more.

"Butler, for god's sake- what do I pay you for!" Artemis managed to cry out as she took another breathe to screech again. Finally Butler grabbed hold of the girl again and rather forcefully pulled, only to find that her grip was tight enough to pull Artemis along with her, something that shocked both of the males in the room.

Suddenly and just in time to save Artemis the Second from passing out Juliet came in and grabbing the first thing she could get her hands on (it happened to be a heavy encyclopidia britanica) she hit the girl over the head and the chaos more or less came to a very sudden stop. If only it had been the end.

Panting and actually frightened, Artemis pulled away from the girl's sudden loose grip, crawling backwards until he hit the bookshelves up against the back wall.

Juliet, rather breathless as well sat on the ground, staring at the girl with large eyes. "What...what...what..." she tried, but didn't manage to finish.

Butler rubbed his eyes and stood, hands on his hips to catch his breathe.

"How did she manage to get inside?" Artemis asked and rapidly shut his mouth, hearing his voice being a tad higher than he remembered it being regularly.

"I have no clue. She must've done that when the security was down." Juliet muttered, reaching for the girl's blonde locks to examine her face, which was useles for she was wearing about a mask's worth of make up.

"We should get her off the grounds while she's out. She puts up a good fight." Butler muttered, moving to pick the girl up, (he hesitated to do so, mind you) Artemis however stopped him.

"No wait. Take her to one of the empty rooms." he muttered, his voice coming back to it's regular pitch. "I'm curious to know why she came in here like that..."

Juliet opened her mouth to say something but a warning glare from her older brother made her quiet herself and grumbling she walked out, followed by Butler who picked the girl up and nodded towards Artemis. "I'd say she has about an hour. Juliet hits hard but not that hard."

Artemis pulled himself off the floor, disgusted by the perfume smell that seemed to be attatched to his clothing suddenly.

"All right, just...get her out." he muttered, waving his hand at Butler who nodded, seeing as he was breathing through his mouth in an attempt to escape the force of the smell.

Grumbling and slightly thrown out of balance, Artemis headed towards his rooms where he planned to shower and change. Hopefully Mother would not notice that he no longer wore the shirt she had given him. It would have to burned, that smell would never leave no matter the times it was washed.

ONE HOUR LATER (mwuahahahahahahaha...)

The security room was dark aside from a single white screen with a pile of pink at the center. There was rich normality on all other screens. Artemis sat silently and clenching his hands in front of him watched as the pink pile shifted and then sat up, blonde permed hair tumbling all over. He twitched slightly at the glitter over her face and groaned, rubbing his face. Why me?

Butler then walked in quietly, closing the door behind him and bringing the room once more to darkness.

"How is she?"

"Awake." Artemis replied shortly, sounding less than joyous. "Ah." Butler said softly, then cleared his throat in the silence.

"So...?"

"I'm going." Artemis snapped, standing and heading out the door gloomily. He stopped halfway out the door.

"Oh, and Butler, leave this room unless I call you... and you're fired."

Butler was left smirking in the darkness, amused by the sudden lack of security in the young Master Fowl.

Still, grumbling to himself Artemis headed down the stairs, his hand smoothing over the bannister. How did I end up in this?

He stopped then in the door way and looked at the shfiting shadow inside of the room. She was awake and by the sound of the teary sounding sobs... being irritable.

"Pleasant." he muttered and knocked.

Sudden silence met his ears. Rolling his eyes he opened the door.

The scream that hit him was like a physical force and for a moment he was tempted to slam the door shut again but grinding his teeth he stepped in and was slightly startled to find her curled at the opposite corner with her face buried in her arms yelling something that resembled 'Don't hurt me! I'll call my lawyer! I swear!"

He stood there in silence for a second and then sighing with the utter annoyance of it all he closed the door quietly and sat down at the small plain table set with two chairs one on either side. He waited then, with his hands folded in front of him, for her to stop.

It took... a surprisingly long time...

...a long... long...time.

After the third minute of screeched excuses and tears Artemis finally snapped. "Be silent!"

There was a half sob half gasp of surprise and she stopped, looking up with mascara and other... odd things running down her face along with the tears.

"You... you..." she stuttered. Artemis blinked at her, wondering if she had never been told to be silent before...

"You came! You CAME!" and in less time than it takes a squirrel to climb a tree she was up and running at him. With a compressed cry Artemis stood, keeping the table between them cleverly.

"No." he stated, as though speaking to some sort of animal. "No."

She stood on the other side, sniffing at the tears and obviously slightly agitated. "But, Arty you came, and I thought that-"

"Do 'not' call me that." he snapped impatiently, making her gasp slightly and look down at her hands with her lower lip trembling. He stared. "Oh God... do not start crying again..."

The girl however, as if waiting for something like that to be said burst into loud bawling and sat down on the chair with a less than graceful grunt. "I knew it... I knew it... you're completely like they said."

He cocked an eyebrow, and still hesitating to sit down shifted his weight. "What?"

She looked up at him then, rubbing her eyes and leaving smears of make up all over. "You're just as hot as they said, Oh my God, you even made me cry, look at that, like honestly, you're just gorgeous, I swear-" she went to grab his hand which he rather rapidly snatched away, taking a step back sharply in shock.

"I'm what?"

"Oh COME on. You haven't looked in the mirror? Just... god, I could eat you, I swear... look at those EYES!" she stood then and leaned over the table, squinting at his face, making him press against the wall, which was the furthest he could get from her at that moment.

"Uh, I really don't think this is-" he began and then made a noise which might have sounded something like a "gah!" of surprise and jumped to the other side of the table as she moved to clomp him. "Come on, Arty boy. I'm not that bad." she winked cheekily, earning nothing by deep loathing from the 'boy'. "

I have my personal opinions in that area." he retorted uneasily, noting that the door was now further than before.

"Please- okay, I won't touch you at all, I swear- okay, maybe I shouldn't swear, you never know- Oh, i LOVE your hair. It's just so... I dont know- it's just hot. Just look at you. I can't believe i'm actually talking to you. I mean... I never thought I'd get to, so I didn't get to stop and think of what I'd say, you know-"

"You think?" Artemis asked skeptically, making her laugh, which was one hundred percent unintentional.

"You're kinda funny, you know!" she grinned and sat down, pouting. "Okay, so I get you have this personal space problem, I'll totally keep my hands to myself, okay?"

"Personal space 'problem'?" Artemis asked, mainly himself, since she was talking already about his clothes, which he was glad to know she thought were a poor choice.

"And like... maybe a black hoodie... yeah you'd look hotter in a black hoodie... Oh my God- like, a skateboard one. Skateboarders are hot..." she drifted off and looked towards the ceiling as if picturing them. There was silence...

Artemis cleared his throat. She snapped back into reality and laughed. "Oh my Gosh, I'm so sorry. Dreaming about other hot guys is probly (yes, 'probly, not prolly or probably, probly) not very polite in front of another hot guy, huh? Cus if a guy did that to a chick the chick would like... dump him... Oh my God, don't dump me okay?"

Artemis started. "What? I can't 'dump' you-" he began and was rudely cut off by her flinging herself at him and once more ending on the ground with a lack of air and a mass of perfume.

"I love you too!"

"What! Get OFF." he grunted, shoving her roughly off, finding stregnth he had 'not' known he had.

"I meant I can't 'dump' you because I'm not dating you." he growled, smoothing out the wrinkles she had caused on his dress shirt.

The girl sat in silence on the floor a moment, shocked and then looked at the ground, making smooth circles with her hands. "Oh..." she mumbled. "Right."

"Indeed." He sighed, realizing this was his chance to escape. Determined, he began to head towards the door.

The girl stood suddenly and flung herself in the way. "WAit! We can work this out- we can totally move past this. Everyone has arguments- maybe it's cuz you dun even know my name! My name's Kathleen- or Katie if you want or Kittie, what do you want me to call you as a nick, cuz you don't seem to like Arty very much...":

Artemis stared at her stonily for a moment in utter awe of the stupidity being displayed before him.

"I'd ask politely for you to get out of the way, but I don't think you understand civilized vocabulary." he grumbled, trying to find a way around her that wouldn't involve touching her in any way.

"Oh come ON! Please? Please just listen to me." and she moved out of the way and sat on one of the chairs.

"You came in here to talk right? Like, I can totally talk." she held her hands in her lap in a lady like manner and it would have been reassuring if she hadn't had make up streaking her face.

Artemis stared at her and for a moment there was something like mixed hate and pity. "I think I'll be leaving now." he muttered and slipped out the door just in time to escape her attempt to snatch at him again. He stepped back and away from the door as she pounded it with her fists and screamed.

Juliet and Butler stood outside, smirking broadly and in Juliet's case on the floor laughing.

Artemis sighed and shook his head a them both. "You're both fired." he grumbled, though they knew it wasn't true and silently he went to heal his traumatized mind.

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I hope you all liked! If you want me to write a lil more of it here and there, please R&R and lemme know. I have some ideas about how Juliet and the girl would get along. And perhaps even Butler. Mwuahahaha, anyway, yeah... please Review! Thanks!

-White Scribe


	2. Chapter 2

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Hehehe, oh I enjoy this way too much. /salutes the fangirls/ Did I insult you at all? Anyway, I decided to keep going, because it's plain fun. Lemme know how you all like it. And review! The hits are high, but no reviews, evil people... 

Enjoy!

-White Scribe

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**_To all those girls who are infatuated with his way of speaking. And drool over his way of walking, and picture him whenever they can and now think that blue eyes and black hair is 'hot'. _**

**_Yeah, this fic is meant to show you how very SAD your lives are. Love you all (not)._**

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_Pink Princess Vs. Punk Princess_

It had been two days and aside from sliding food into the room no one in the Fowl Household had had interactions with the girl. For once, Artemis was worrying that he had no way of getting rid of a problem.

"Butler! People are probably out searching for her as we speak." he snapped at the bodyguard double checking one of the cameras in the foyer.

The manservant sighed, quinting at the cables in his hands. "You're right, they probably are."

Artemis frowned at him, looking way up, since he was standing on a ladder and being quite a bit taller and higher up than usual he gave the image of a tower.

"So, what do you suggest?" The boy finally muttered impatiently.

Butler blinked. "Well... Let her go?"

Artermis seemed stunned as he stared at his friend. "Go? As in free?"

Butler rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the camera. "Yes, free."

"But she would come back! I saw insanity in her face." Artemis stated, making it sound deadly. Butler chuckled. "It sounds like a crush to me."

Growling the Fowl Prince turned around and headed to his study, deciding that Butler was no help whatsoever. He couldn't let her- it, go! The results could be deadly. He would never be able to sleep again...

As he went down the hallway he noticed Juliet heading in his direction carrying a tray of food and humming quietly under her breath.

Suddenly, an idea dawned on him and as they crossed paths he turned to follow.

"Juliet." he began, stepping up beside her. She glanced at him thoughtfully. "Hm?"

"What are you doing?"

"It's food, for the girl." She explained, cocking an eyebrow at him. It seemed obvious to her.

He cocked na eyebrow back, seeing as he had known well what she was doing. "Yes. Has she changed, at all?"

"How so?" Juliet enquired, stopping at the door of the girl's room. Artemis unconciously stepped slightly away. "Characteristically, I mean." he tried to explain.

Juliet set the tray down on the ground and took a key out of her pocket with which to open the door. "Are you asking if she's stopped ranting about you?"

He quirked an eyebrow slightly then sighed and let his shoulders drop slightly. "Well... yes."

Juliet smirked. "Nope. No change."

Irritation flowed over his face and as she opened the door he started. "Whoa- wait until I leave."

Juliet rolled her eyes and opened the door anyway, sliding the tray in with her foot.

"I might kill her if you dun get rid of her soon." she grumped, sparking another idea into his head.

He started. "Really?"

Juliet glanced up at him, hearing the tone of voice. "...wh-" she began and gasped as he shoved her forcefully into the room, slamming the door closed and locked before she could do anything.

"Artemis! Artemis FOWL, let me out before I-" Juliet shouted, pounding on the door when a hand came down on her shoulder and she gasped spinning around to find the girl looking at her with narrowed eyes.

"You're another one?"

Juliet blinked at her, slightly wary of the smell of aging perfume and no showers.

"Uh... what?"

"Did they lock you in here too?" The girl asked back. Juliet cocked an eyebrow a ther. "Well I dont seem to have a key, now do I?"

The girl sighed. "You're right." She slumped on one of the chairs. "I don't get why Arty would do such a thing."

The young Butler felt a smirk spread over her face and she cleared her throat in order to keep the laughter from escaping loudly. "Really?"

THere was a sad nod and the girl sprawled over the table in a semi dramatic mope. "I'm so dreppresed."

Juliet rolled her eyes. "I'm sure."

"Why aren't you?" the other asked, opening her mascara coated eyes to blink at her. Juliet quirked an eyebrow. "Why should I be?" she grumped, grabbing a chair and sitting down irritably.

The girl frowned and sat up, looking at her with a scrutinizing face. "You like... like him too, right?"

Juliet stopped, staring at her with a blank expression. "I what?"

"I'm 'not' like you." Juliet snapped suddenly, standing. "I work here!"

The girl stood too. "What! I didn't know there were girls in the house!" she frowned at her, looking irritable. "Well... you're not that good looking anyway."

Juliet paled. "What did you just say?"

The pink princess pouted at her evilly. "Aw did I hurt your feelings? You like him, it's all over your face. But guess what, honey. Artemis Fowl the Second is mine."

All anger died at that moment and Juliet just stared, the awe dripping off of her.

"You're a complete moron." She stated in disbelief.

Kathleen scoffed. "You just insulted me!"

"Actually, I was stating the obvious." Juliet replied honestly, cocking her head to one side as if trying to figure out on of picasso's odd paintings.

"I hate you!" The girl screeched, stomping her high heeled shoes and nearly falling over for it.

Juliet shook her head and turned to the door again, hitting it feebly. "Artemis! Let me out, I'm thinking of begging already..."

Silence answered.

"Don't you talk to my boy!" Kathleen cried suddenly walking towards her as though ready to get into a cat fight. Juliet ignored her, looking at the door with critical eyes, wondering if she could knock it down.

Feeling ignored, she pouted again and plopped down on the chair, sulking. "No one hears me in this house."

"If only." Juliet muttered, grunting slightly as she pressed her weight against a certain spot near the hinges. They groaned but refused to give.

"Figures." she growled.

"Artemis! Artemis I'm begging you now, honestly- anything. I'll even stop barging into your room when you're busy with-"

She never did get to finish that sentence because a rather agitated fangirl was suddenly clawing at her screeching loudly.

"YOu did WHAT? You BARGED into his ROOM! How DARE you! Are you cheating with my boy, you blonde slut!"

"Okay, that's it!" Juliet shouted, grabbing the girl roughly by the throat she shoved her down onto the floor, still holding her there and grabbed one of the chairs.

Choking, Kathleen kicked her in the stomach, forcing her to let go, only to have Juliet grab the chair in both hands and slam it over her head.

Once more, the girl fell to the ground, completely out of it.

Juliet stared at her a moment and then turned around and banged on the door.

"Artemis! Artemis, for God's sake! Let me out!"

"No!" finally there was a reply. Juliet paled.

"Let me OUT!"

"No! Kill her first!"

She growled. "I'm going to kill YOU soon!"

Suddenly Butler was standing beside Artemis staring at the door with a confused expression. "...Is that Juliet?"

Artemis blinked at the door and then at Butler. "Ummm..."

"Butler! Butler, let me out!" Juliet cried, listening to the girl moaning herself away behind her.

Butler started. "Artemis, let her out!" He cried.

Juliet glanced over her shoulder to see the girl picking herself up slowly and groggily.

"Let me out NOWWWWWW!"

"No! it might escape!" Artemis cried back, but Butler just shook his head, feeling for once like the adult amid children.

Grunting softly he twisted the lock loose and pulled the door open, to Artemis' dismay.

Juliet flung herself out and landed panting on the floor as the girl hit the door again, screaming and kicking to be let out.

Artemis stared at her door warily, even though Butler was leaning against it comfortably.

"That..." Juliet began, glaring death at him from the floor as she caught her breath.

"...was the most cruel, inhuman thing... that I've ever..."

Artemis actually rolled his eyes that time and waved a hand at her as he walked away.

"You're a Butler, deal with it."

Juliet sighed and growled at the ground. Butler sighed too, feeling the girl still beating at the door despite his massive weight against it.

"Perhaps we should get Holly to mind wipe her." he suggested to Juliet, seeing as Artemis was out of the room.

Juliet grumbled something and pushed herself to her feet. "We should get Holly to blast her to cinders." she muttered before turning to go and like Artemis, heal her traumatized mind.

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Aww, poor poor Juliet.

Elwing-Evenstar: Thanks for reviewing, you're the only one out of 24 hits that bothered to. I'm glad you liked it!

Hehehehe, man, that was amusing. Please R&R! Tell me if you liked it, or if you didn't.

-White Scribe


	3. Chapter 3

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Is it just me or are these things getting shorter and shorter as I go along? lol. Anyway, here is the next one. I have decided that there will be four chapters only. Sorry, I'm running fresh out of ideas. Humor and comedy just isnt my first nature. I love your reviews, so please leave a note for me. I hope you all like it! 

Enjoy!

-White Scribe

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**_To those that when they see him in their minds start to giggle. And to those who talk endlessly about him online. To those who are currently reading this story and wondering where the heck I'm coming from. Yes... this 'is' about you. No, I don't stalk you, you're just a stereotype. ((knocks on your skull)) I hope you know what that means, btw._**

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_Military Cosmo!_

_All your military, body guarding, make up and relationship tips in ONE magazine!_

ew.

There are two things you need to generally know about a Butler child. One is that they like extremes.

_/Juliet sat in the living room, twirling her blonder hair in one hand and holding a phone to her ear with the other, talking rapidly to someone about make up./_

_/Butler sat in silence in the security room, inspecting with narrowed eyes the clarity of each camera as it rotated./_

The other thing about Butlers is that they have moments in their life where they very randomly seize to pay attention to everything as they usually would. This is not because of lack of concentration, but rather, lack of having 'time' to loose one's concentration...Day dreaming sneaks up on those who are not accustomed to doing so. And perhaps such an unusual habit makes their brains... somewhat... To put it bluntly. Stupid.

As Butler stared at the screens his eyes grew dazed and soon the images began to blur. Thoughts of very random things began to swim across his vision and he could hear nothing but the constant buzz of the mechanical objects in the room.

The peace across his mind might have remained if the door hadn't opened and a very pale not at all calm Artemis hadn't stepped in.

Blinking away the day dream the manservant turned to look at his charge questionably. "What is it, Artemis? You look as though you've seen a troll."

As it so happened, Artemis had been thinking consistantly about the thing that was much worse than a troll in the house.

"Nothing. I'm just wondering... are we planning on keeping this girl locked in here forever? I've already told you we can't let her go."

Butler blinked. "Well, why not?"

Artemis stared.

"You're actually asking me that question..." he stated, in a rather stuned voice. Butler shifted his weight to look at him with an amused expression.

"Yes, that would be correct."

"Perhaps you haven't 'seen' her yet?" Artemis enquired sarcastically, moving to get out of the room, too irritated to speak calmly anymore.

As he opened the door, a flustered Juliet blinked at him, her hand stuck in the motion of going to turn the door knob. She shoved past Artemis and towards her older brother, fuming like a dragon who smoked.

"She needs to GO! I can't stand her anymore! Do you know how many names she has memorized? I haven't even heard of half of them!" she shouted.

Artemis turned, feeling an ally on his side. "You see, she's a monster, Butler, you can't set 'that' loose." he stated, pointing at the white screen of the room where the girl was playing with her hair.

Juliet shuddered. "I pity the mother who gave birth to that."

Butler rolled his eyes. "You two are in need of a psychiatrist."

Artemis scoffed. "I'm several levels above most qualified psychiatrists!" he snapped, and Juliet still fuming stomped her foot. "I don't need a SHRINK! I need a gun! I'm gonna shoot her!" she cried, reaching forward to snatch at Butler's sleeve where she knew a pistol to be.

Butler stood and pushed her away calmly with his other hand, making the scene look much like a playground with a big bully holding back a small child simply by the head.

"Come now, she can't possibly be that bad."

Stony silence replied as the two youths glared.

The manservant sighed. "I believe you both need sleep and rest and I'll let her out if you like. You won't have to do anything-"

"NO!" both teens shouted urgently. He blinked at their frightened faces.

"I do think you need doctors now."

"You- you need to go in there!" Juliet spassed, pointing at the screen. "And you need to stay there for like... ten minutes and I swear it-" she began.

Her voice was rather shaky and her eyes rather wide so Butler sighed and patted her on the head with his massive hand.

"All right, all right. I'll prove to you both she's not that bad."

The two grumbled, seeming more and more alike as the time passed. "Yeah right." Juliet grumbled, following him out the door.

Artemis nodded. "I do believe he's in for the trauma of his life."

Juliet agreed. "No kidding."

Together they followed the man mountain into the hall and then to the door where they stood, glaring at him like very mean guards. He cocked an eyebrow at both, shook his shaved head and pushed the door open, bending down to step in.

As soon as he was inside Juliet jumped forward and slammed the door shut, stepping back with a wary expression. The two teens glanced at each other and shook their heads.

"He's doomed."

"Totally doomed."

"Hello?" Butler asked, looking around the room. It was plain room.The walls were white and the floor was white and the ceiling was white. Aside from the table, which was propped up against a corner with the chairs around it there was nothing.

He cocked his head at the table, for it looked much like a room, with the flat space down on it's side blocking the girl from view.

"Hello? Are you all right?"

"ATTACK!"

Butler started in surprise at the sudden sound of screeching and then gasped as something was thrown at him which exploded in a splash of skin colored something making a massive brown-ish creamy stain across his chest.

The first bomb was followed by other little objects of red blue and purple that seemed to splash color all over, smelling of many different flowers and that very strong slightly stale smell that reminded him of the girl's perfume.

He stumbled back, blinking through the haze of colors, coughing as the smells began to over power his senses.

"What in god's name-"

"Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!" The screeching girl cried, jumping over the table and chairs, nearly falling and breaking an ankle on her high heels then scrambling up to attack him again with flat palmed slaps that made him flinch away.

"What the! God's child- STOP!" he suddenly thundered, grabbing her by the shoulders, lifting her right off the floor and giving her a very hard shake.

The girl stared at him with massive mascara stained eyes and then... her lower lip began to tremble.

Butler blinked at her, having never seen anyone... well... cry before. They had begged for mercy but he'd never really grabbed a 'woman' and been angry enough to shout.

Something like his mother's stern voice drilled into his head and made him blink.

_/"Don't you dare ever lay a hand on a girl, Domovoi!"/_

He started. "Uh oh."

The girl suddenly opened her mouth and started to bawl, tears running down her face like a cascade of childish emotion followed along by the screams and shouts of anguish that bounced around the room and seemed to knock against his head forcefully, over and over like a massive iron bell.

"No no no... don't cry! I didn't mean it like that!" he started, setting her down lightly and trying to calm her down. The girl's screams, however, only magnified and he put his hands over his ears, squinting at her with dislike.

"You're a horrible, horrible horrible PERSON!" she shouted, her whole body shaking with the emotion, and despite having his hands over his ears he heard.

He blinked at her mildly, feeling just a bit insulted. Perhaps it was the sheer emotion on her face. "Oh, I wouldn't say that really." he began. She scoffed between her sobs and kicked at his shin. The rather heavy part of her shoe knocked solidly against hisit and he cried out, snatching his foot with both hands. "Oh- ow- Gods!" he gasped, balancing.

Still screeching with tears she stepped back, to make him seem smaller, he figured and began to yell. He lost track of the insults, and was soon amazed at what kind of stupidity she was able to say.

But after hearing it from a tear faced woman he began to blink and feel rather badly because many of the things he 'did' know what they meant and never had anyone insulted him past two words before he had their throats in his hands and their body hanging off the ground.

He stood there then, being told off and was actually half hanging his head after her rant, which lasted a good three minutes.

Panting with the sheer exhaustion of exploding she stopped and sniffed. "Now let me out."

The man mountain shook himself awake and then realized he'd been forcefully told off and frowned. "Well now I know what they were both so bloody frightened about." he muttered, deciding to get out of the room right there and then only to hear her cry out loudly.

He turned to see what it was she was doing only to catch a glimpse of her throwing herself to the ground, sliding under and between his legs to come up against the door. She scrambled up and blocked the way, looking very much like an animal.

"NO! Let me out!" she shouted.

He stared. "I think you need a shrink more than Artemis and Juliet put together..."

The girl paled. "They AREN'T together! They AREN'T and NEVER will be! DO you HEAR! NEVER!"

Butler stared at her and on the other side of the door Artemis and Juliet were both staring blankly at the doorway.

"What in God's name is he doing to it?" Juliet asked, wide eyed. Artemis shook his head. "I haven't a clue..."

Pixie: I...am sick. . says:

"Now, I highly doubt either of them are thinking of being 'together' in 'that' manner." Butler tried to explain, but was interuptted by her loud never ending shrieks of protest.

"He's MINE! MINE, you HEAR!" Butler sighed and forcefully took her by the shoulders again, only to find her nails now posing a problem as she scratched and kicked viciously.

He gasped and tried very hard to find a way around her flipping and sliding, but like an eel she kept getting out of his grasp until the tables suddenly switched and she was the one beating and scratching on him with him huddled in the corner trying to keep her hands off.

"Now really! This isn't fair!" he shouted loudly, but she kept right on going, still screaming about something or another.

Finally, feeling he could take no more of it, he gave her a rather forceful shove, sending her sliding to the other end of the room. In a flash he was up and out the door, slamming the door forcefully on her attempt to get up and out again.

He stood panting, outside of the hall, covered in make up, with a tear in his shirt and many scratches on his face and arms.

Artemis and Juliet stared at him, standing calmly at the other end of the hall.

He sighed, and catching his breathe shrugged. "So... I was wrong."

Juliet scoffed. "You look like Barbie gone wrong."

((Barbie gone wrong... man, i just got this picture of butler in a mini skirt. SO wrong.))

Butler glared and rubbed at some of the color across his face. "So... what do we do with her if not set her loose?" he asked. There was a collective groan from the youths and then they stomped away, leaving him to listen alone to the rather frightening screams from within.

Twitching he moved away and shivered. There were things worse than death sometimes...

Sighing he moved away, rubbing at his shaved and now badly bruised head. Muttering, he headed to his rooms to heal his traumatized mind.

* * *

Mwuahahaha, this was amusing. NEXT: Holly meet Kathleen. 

Man, heads are gonna roll.

Hope you all liked. Please, please review. So many hits and no reviews to show for it. It just isnt fair!

-White Scribe


	4. Chapter 4

Hi everyone...

I think I owe you all an apology. I am so sorry for not posting this sooner. Stupid, I know, I must have forgotten or something. I haven't a clue what happened. But! I am back in full force with Holly as my sidekick and together we will defeat all evil fangirls!

Ahem...yeah. Lol, I hope you all like it!

-White Scribe

* * *

**_Five ways of knowing you're a fangirl: 1. You read his books, but when asked about the plot you look blank. 2. You now want blue contacts 3. You like guys with black hair. 4. You still don't realize I'm insulting you. 5. I am laughing at you right now and you 'still' don't realize..._**

* * *

_Guns vs. Glam_

Perhaps when you grow older and when you decide that the whole world is stupid and deserves to explode then you've probably faced the very strange thing called fangirls. Fangirls are, btw, in no dictionary. We believe that the authorities wish us all to be blind to the monsters that have begun to sprout up like weeds in our population. We however, have been studying the ways of fangirls and have decided that it's as if there was a mutation in their genes sleeping, laying dormant in their bloodstream only awakened by things such as they consider 'hot'.

As a result the most likely subjects for this mutation that has swept the nation are girls who range in age but have low IQ and maturity levels.

They are dangerous foes and must be dealt with carefully, with as much caution as possible, you never know when a bomb of perfume will render you senseless in their pressence...

Thus, warns us one of the greatest hunters of Fangirls.

Holly, LEPrecon Unit Captain.

* * *

"I would dearly love to believe that you had nothing to do with this, mud boy." Holly grumbled into her speaker, landing on the fence of the Fowl Estate wtih some difficulty. The air drafts in that place were horrible for flying... at least at that present moment when she was distracted by the sound of utter panic in Artemis' voice. That was something she wasn't used to hearing. She was more likely to accept anger and irritation or arrogance from the mud boy. 

"You don't understand." Artemis replied irritably, which made her feel better. "I had nothing to do with it this time. The system went down, I believe it was them that did it in the first place. As a result there was a girl here-"

"Wait half a second." Holly interuptted, walking as though a shimmering heat wave towards their doorway. "You're telling me that you want to mind wipe a girl? Please tell me that she saw something to do with the LEP or Haven and that's the reason why you want me to mindwipe her, because if you went and broke her heart and simply dont want to deal with things-"

"Holly." Artemis snapped, making her blink bemusedly, hearing something like the old Fowl on the other end of the airwave. "This girl is different, I had nothing to do with it, and she may very well be a danger to me. It's nothing to do with Haven or your people. I need your help is all."

Holly smirked and pressed the doorbell. "Open the door then."

The connection severed and the door opened by will of Butler, who blinked at the shimmering air in front of him. "Oh. Well, come on in." he said to the air, stepping out of the way. Holy stepped in and as soon as the door closed she dropped her shield, giving a sigh.

"Hello Butler."she smiled, pulling her helmet off. "How're you?"

"I've had a few sleepless nights." Butler admitted, pinching the bags under his eyes. "But otherwise I'm as good as usual. How about you,Captain?"

"No offense, but I would preffer not to be here." Holly muttered, looking around at the sound of hurried steps and something that sounded vaguely like bickering.

"But Artemis, you can't be serious. You're thinking of letting her go?" Juliet called, sprinting after him down the hall as he headed towards the foyer where Holly and Butler were saying their hello's.

"I'm not going to kill her in cold blood. I'll gladly have you do it, however." Artemis retorted over his shoulder, smoothing this shirt idly as he came to a stop in front of the Captain Short, who was eyeing the two with a teasing smile.

"You pity her that much?" Juliet cried, and then deciding she was desperate enough she turned to Butler. "Come on, gimme a gun and I'll get rid of her."

"For crying out loud." Holly put in suddenly. "What in the Gods name crawled out of your nightmares, Juliet?"

Juliet was so distressed it didn't occur to ask her what she was doing there but instead jumped on the opportunity to rant. "She might as well have, Holly! You totally have to meet her. She's horrible!" Grabbing the Captain's arm she began to drag her down the hall. "You'll blast her to cinders as soon as you realize the disgusting-ness of her!"

Holly allowed her to drag idly, eyeing Artemis with critical eyes. "I hope you didn't go and mutate something, Mud Boy."

Artemis followed, hands behind his back cocking eyebrow slightly. "If only."

"She's some weird idiot." Juliet muttered. "Called me ugly and fat and I don't know what else."

Holly turned her attention back to the rampaging girl dragging her down the hall. "Now really, a rival? Please tell me this isn't some childish argument between two girls."

"She's not a girl! She's a monster!" Juliet shouted.

"Mud People." Holly muttered, eyeing the darkness of the halls she was being dragged through. The images of the Fowls of many generations before glared down at her from the walls, and she smirked, recalling a time when she had wanted to blast them to cinders.

Her fingers twitched as they ached to flick her trigger.

They stopped a door, Artemis slowing considerably so that he stopped further from it than all of them.

"She's in there." Juliet sniffed, letting go of Holly and stepping back.

The LEP officer eyed the door thoughtfully, cocking her head at it before pulling off her helmet and shaking out her short hair.

"Mm." she mused, smirking. The door was made of metal, heavy metal, the hinges looked like iron, with what she presumed was bullet proof glass on the miniature squarewindow that looked into the dimly lit room which she could see was white.

"Do most Mud Men have high security prisons in their household, Artemis?" she enquired with a cocky lift of her brows.

Artemis crossed his arms in front of him, lips pressed tightly into a thin line. "They would after seeing this."

Sighing Holly shifted, slipping her wings off of her back. "Could you hold them, Butler?" she muttered, lifting them for the mountain of a man to take. Which he did.

Quietly she moved forward and standing on her tip toes peeked into the room, blinking rapidly.

It seemed like a relatively plain room, a lot like the interogation areas that she had seen in movies that Foaly watched of Mud Men.

"Look, Artemis. I can't go in there if there's a girl, showing myself to one so bluntly-"

"Fine, put her to sleep and then mind wipe her." Artemis snapped, irritated with her hesitation. Holly finally turned to look at him, frowning slightly with more curiousity and less amusement.

"What did she do?"

An exchange of looks occured, all three living within the house glanced at one another with a knowing expression that showed how ominous the whole situation seemed.

"...go in." Juliet suddenly whispered, as if shamed at her own dare. Holly blinked at her slightly and sighed, removing her helmet with a look on her face that was very much like the kind Julius gave her when she was being an idiot.

"Look, guys... I'm sure she's no worse than any other mud men out-"

"No." Artemis stated, arms crossed, one hand supporting his chin, blue eyes focused on the doorway with a look of obvious thought, deeply pensive.

"Please, Holly."

Startled the captain stared at him, blinking repeatedly in her surprise. "All right then." she finally succumed. "I'll go in- I haven't agreed to any mindwiping and or blasting."

Juliet sulked.

Sighing again, Holly nodded towards the door. "Butler, you want to do me a favour?"

Nodding the manservant moved forward... after hesitating. This made Holly's stomach do an odd backflip she was sure it had never done before.

How often to man mountains hesitate?

With a mechanical whirr and a soft hiss of air the airtight cell door slid open. (it had been updated under orders of the paranoid Master Artemis) and Holly stepped into the bright room, knowing quite well that she would get yelled at upon returning to LEP HQ.

But this, she had to see.

As the door closed the three humans outside swallowed simultaneously, clenching their fists and looking grave.

"You think she'll be okay?" Juliet whispered, eyes focused on the door.

Butler fidgeted, something that was very uncharacteristic. "I hope so."

Artemis looked stonily at the door. "I'm going to have to call severe back up if not."

He was thinking something like all of Julius Root's available squads...and a nuclear bomb.

Inside the room Holly wrinkled her nose, eyeing the empty chamber with distaste. For all the cleverness of the boy he could never come up with a good holding cell, though she had to admit this one was a little more advanced than her cell had been.

The walls were padded... like insane asylum walls, and the table and chairs were made of what looked to be bendable plastic, no harm there, aside from a goose egg and a bruise... and maybe a headache those things wouldn't be much of a weapon in the hands of a young mud girl.

Slowly she loosened her grip on her neutrino, blinking at herself and almost smirking at her own paranoia, amused by Artemis' childish fear.

This of course, didn't last long.

The room seemed empty, she couldn't see anyone as far as she was aware. Surprised, the captain lowered her helmet to the floor and scanned the room again, frowning until the buzzing feeling at the back of her neck made her freeze.

Slowly she turned, focusing her eyes on the corner left to the door, where a girl wearing some of the most revealing mud men articles of clothing she had ever seen crouched.

And what looked like purple brings on her shoes- wait... were those 'part' of her shoes? Dear Gods...

"...who. are. you?" Kitty whispered, there was an obvious tinge of danger in her small soprano voice, multiplied by the runny make up over her face and the greasy look to what must have been styled hair.

Holly stared, revolted by the creature. She looked worse than anything she had ever seen before- including trolls, they at least knew they couldn't attempt to look good.

This was just sad.

"...I..." Holly began, then stopped as the girl began to unravel her arms from around her knees, pulling herself to her feet slowly, squinting at her as though disecting an insect.

"You look foreign- and you're really short." she squinted more.

"You're not pretty at all."

Holly twitched. "I beg your pardon?" she snapped, her Gnomish accent all the more harsh because of her irriation.

"Where are you from? What are you doing here?" Kitty continued, hissing out each question. Holly's eyes narrowed. This human was truly unstable, it was in every vibration of the girl's body.

"You're not very polite-" Holly began but was quickly cut off.

"How do you know my Arty?" Kitty shrieked, stamping her high heeled foot and very nearly breaking her ankle in the process.

Holly twitched again, taking a hesitant step back.

"...'Your' Arty..." a laugh began to form at the base of her throat. Something of her soldier mind said it was probably for her benefit to control it and maintain quiet, but for some reason it was too hard to contain.

Laughter exploded out of her mouth and she was doubled over, giggling about the idea that Artemis Fowl feared, of all things, fangirls.

The laughter continued and Kitty watched, a pout so hard it looked strange firmly planted on her face. "What are you laughing at? You strange unrealistic looking GIRL! You look like an imp!"

This silenced all laughter.

Holly's eyes flashed. "I look like a 'what'?" she whispered, her hand was on the neautrino again. Oh, that mud girl had not just said what she thought she'd said.

Kitty's small brain took in the information being noted by her eyes. The hard line on the other girl's forehead said something about irritation.

Had she known at least a little about reality she would have known it to be dangerous to prod any further, but love sickness was a powerful disease.

"IMP!" Kitty shouted stupidly, realizing there was a weak spot in the word. "IMP IMP IMP IMP-"

WHAM.

The blow of a magic infested fist to a human face is usually something amazing to see- and not so pleasant to expirience, as Artemis could probably confirm having expirienced it himself.

Kitty was one to follow that list. In all other circumstances she would have jumped for joy in joining a list with Artemis' name on it.

In this case, she fell on the floor with a bloody nose instead.

Holly stood panting while Kitty stared at her bloody fingers and the red trail that was flowing down her face with wide eyes.

"I'm bleeding...you hit me..."

"See mud girl, imp is not a good word to use if I'm-oomph!"

With a screech and howl Kitty flung herself at the smaller elf plowing into her with the small skinny force of a fifteen year old human, which wasn't much under most circumstances, but in surprise it was...surprising.

Gasping Holly felt the air knocked right out of her lungs and her torso being pummeled by the small inadequate fists and punches and scratches, which she was finding infuriating. The screeching too was something of pain, more so than any of the blows.

"ARTY IS MINE YOU IDIOT IMP!"

Growling the captain grabbed a handful of greasy unwashed hair and, making a mental note to wash her hands, hauled the girl over her head, earning another high pitched screech of pain and anger from the fighter.

"ARTEMIS- LET ME OUT-ooomph!" Again she tumbled over and more panicked than she'd ever admit she locked the girl's arms behind her, struggling for a moment. She was surprisingly strong.

There was no answer from the other side for a long terrifying moment and then there was a small cry.

"I told you!"

"ARTEMIS!" Holly screamed dangerously.

The door slid open and Holly bolted, moving almost as fast as Kitty but not quite. With a cry the human girl launched at the elf's legs and sent them both to the ground in a puddle of arms and legs, unfortunately for Artemis and everyone outside, halfway out the door.

"OH NO!" Juliet shouted. "SHE'LL ESCAPE!"

"Will everyone stop shouting!" Artemis shouted, already backing up hurriedly.

Holly turned over and tried to pry the girl's arms from around her legs, grunting angrily as she struggled.

"Butler! Do something!"

The man servant stood, unsure, looking wide eyed and stunned.

There's a first time for everything.

Finally realizing she was on her own Holly spun over, and instead of reaching for the girl's hands grabbed her chin instead, forcing her to look directly at her face, but the girl was squinting.

Not. Good.

Time to go to plan B.

"HEEEEEELLLLLPPPP!" Holly shouted, struggling and panicking, crawling on her stomach and drawing the girl behind her as a result.

"No!" Juliet cried. "She'll escape! Go back in!"

"Why don't you!" Holly shouted back, kicking her legs inadequately, trying to loose the leech.

"Someone do something!"

Finally, snapping out of his stupor Butler looked around, recalling the only reliable way that they had managed to deal with the girl.

With two long strides he reached for Artemis, grabbing one of the quantum physics books from his arms.

Amongst all the screaming females the bodyguard stood tall and slammed the book down on Kitty's head... lightly...sorta.

Silence. What a defeaning sound.

Whimpering Holly squirmed away from the loose arms until her back hit the opposite wall. Butler rolled the girl into her chamber with his foot and closed the door, taking a step back for good measure and Juliet collapsed onto the ground, looking pale.

"It's all hopeless."

Artemis, once more composed after the door closed, rolled his stiff shoulders and took a deep breath, waiting patiently for his brain to catch up and say something smart.

...still waiting...

...Oh dear...

Once all breaths had been caught, there was an exchange of blank looks. There was only one other person they could call... One other person that might know what to do.

Minerva.

* * *

okay, so i realize that the tme is kinda messed up, if i'm bringing minerva in- btw, to anyone who is reading this if you haven't read Artemis Fowl and the Lost colony you should probably stop reading this fic until then

anyway, i hope you enjoyed it.

It's not one of my best chappies, but i figured i might as well post it. Minerva's will be the last, and hopefully the better one.

thank you muchly for reviews!

-White Scribe


	5. Chapter 5

Hallo Hallo

I am sick, and therefore I took a day of school, and hurrah this is the result. I really should be doing my german homework, along with English History and Choir, but you know what... I dun feel like it.

I'm sorry for not posting sooner, I prolly lost a few reviewers as a result. .sulk. But I am back in action with the grand finale of the comedy Glitter Lipstick and a High IQ.

This contains a few spoilers from Lost Colony, so if you've not read the last Artemis Fowl book you you might wanna lay off, though in all honesty all I mention is a character and play with the obvious relationship she has towards Artemis.

Read and Review!

-White Scribe

* * *

**_Four things Fangirls hate but mostly fear. 1 competition. if you're pretty, they hate you! 2.brains! they simply don't get it...(duh) 3. Brains AND Beauty...cuz it's competition, ya know? 4. Girls who have all these things...One track mind, huh?_**

* * *

_Brains vs...Brawn?_

Having to be one of the smartest children in your peer group does strange things to your psyche, many of which genii are generally unaware of. Normality to them is different than normality to... normal people, simply because of their view in life.

This Minerva knew, and had studied in many colleges around the world under a fake name and identification, earning her PhD some time before her fourteenth birthday.

She knew that the world was different to her than to other people, of course it was. How many people can look at the sunset and not only think of it's many scientific properties but also the many famous artists that had tried to depict it's beauty while at the same time analizing the nearly invisible difference of air quaility in the current place.

Yes... she saw things quite a bit different.

Now, that being the case, she did not think it odd that when being reached by Juliet on her emergency number they disagreed on whether or not it truly was an emergency, to the extent that Juliet would shout at her.

Minerva sighed and pulled the phone away from her ear, listening to the screaming blonde on the other end while picking up a cup of organically grown green tea she had picked up from China a few days ago on her visit to examine the Great Walls structure.

Once the shouting was over she returned the cup to it's delicate saucer and replaced the phone to it's place against her ear.

"Are we done using our impressive vocal chords, Juliet?" Minerva muttered, sounding tired. Flying, even if it was on a first class private plane did make her quite wary.

"Sure." Juliet grumbled on the other end.

"I don't completely understand the circumstance." Minerva admitted, having only heard bits and pieces from the screaming phone.

There was something about a girl, Holly, Artemis, a mob, system shut down and Butler. All so familiar that it made Minerva's stomach sink.

Still, the word 'death' hadn't been used yet.

"When will you get here?' Juliet asked, instead of explaining the situation again.

"I should say in about five minutes." Minerva replied, glancing at the delicate watch on her wrist. "We were heading home, in all honesty, but I suppose I can make a detour for Artemis' sake."

"It might save his _liiiffeee..."_ Juliet sang... emphasising the last word.

Minerva sighed. "Where is he, anyway?"

"Behind him, talking to Holly." Juliet smirked, hoping to hear jealousy on the other end. Instead Minerva continued on, as if nothing strange had been said.

"Say hi to them all for me, if you please. I'll be there in a minute. Goodbye."

And then the phone died.

Grumbling about genii Juliet slammed the phone onto it's hook and stormed over to Artemis who was helping Holly pull out what looked to be a fake nail from her calf.

"...I'm sorry I doubted what you said." Holly muttered irritably. "I didn't know mud girls could be like... well... like that."

"Heh." Juliet replied, crouching down and taking the blood stained cloth from Artemis. "This is probably the worst I've seen but in a big group they're worse than trolls."

Holly shuddered, all seriosness, no play. That had been a nightmare. How did the male human population not destroy them all?

"By the way, Minerva says she will be here in a few minutes, and she also says hi to everyone."

"Is it really fair to do this to her?" Artemis muttered, sounding sheepish. "If I can't figure it out, I highly doubt Minerva can."

"Minerva is a girl, and a genious." Holly retorted. "You're missing one of those factors."

"Ah." Artemis replied primly, forcing himself not to sulk at his lack of response.

"Do you really think she'll know what to do?" Juliet asked Holly, squinting as she pulled another fake nail out of the elf's smooth skin.

Blue sparks danced around the small wound and Holly shrugged, trying to ignore it.

"I sure hope so, otherwise she'll just be traumatized."

"If that's what she's gonna have to be fighting all day long to be around you, Artemis, I think you might want to be kind and let her off easy." Butler muttered from the doorway, keeping his eye on the door at the end of the hall.

Once in a while there was a loud bang. She was throwing the furniture around... again.

"I think she might have hurt her vocal chords." He muttered. "There's been less yelling."

"Thank God." Juliet replied coldly, and gladly, wiping her hands on the cloth as she stood. "She was driving me crazy."

_Ding Dong..._

"That would be Minerva." Artemis muttered, standing rapidly. Butler cocked an eye at him and smirked. "I'll go get it."

Artemis sat back down sharply, looking calm. "Of course."

Everyone except for the smart little mud boy exchanged quick smirks as Butler disappeared. Artemis fiddled with his tie.

"So... what are we going to tell her? That she barged in cuz she's in love with you?" Juliet enquired, blinking at the young man.

Artemis cocked an eyebrow at her, looking cynical. "Hardly. Maybe you should explain, you and Butler were supposed to be watching the overall security system."

Huffing irritably Juliet spun around and stormed out, unable to say a thing. The sound of her welcoming Minerva loudly rebounded down the hall and into the small study where Holly watched the pale teen fidget, a very strange uncharacteristic movement.

"I hope she knows what to do." she smirked and stood, pulling her boot on as she walked towards the door to say hi to the blonde girl that appeared just outside in the hall.

"What is the big emergency-" Minerva began and started, seeing the blood on Holly's calf.

"What happened?"

A dark gloom spread over the group, much like a cloud about to rain. "...it's in that room." Juliet whispered, nodding towards the end of the hall.

Minerva blinked. "...it...?"

"It's a girl." Artemis said suddenly, coming out of the room, trying not to trip over himself. Minerva started. "Hi Artemis." she smiled. "And... a girl?" she turned, looking at the doorway thoughtfully.

A sudden bang made everyone jump slightly.

"What just happened?" Minerva dared to break the silence.

"She's hitting the door with the furniture." Juliet replied softly, holding on to Butler's arm. "Or so we hope, personally I think she'd have a better go at breaking the door down with her head."

Cocking an eyebrow in a very Artemis like fashion Minerva turned to look at her, amused. "Oh." she said simply, though the tone of voice she used stated several underlining comments within the small sound.

"Well then. This is your emergency?"

"...You obviously don't understand." Holly began, walking around to face the girl. Minerva's eyes focused on her and she blinked at her, for once feeling like the superior, even among Artemis' friends.

"...I'm sorry, from what I understand, there's a girl in that room and that's your emergency. You've got Butler here who can take out a male troll, somehow I don't see the issue...and of all brains, Artemis is here-"

"She's different." Holly whispered, staring at her with wide eyes. "You should meet her."

"Somehow hearing that she's tearing the furniture to bits in there isn't exactly a comforting enough thought to make me want to go in there." Minerva muttered, starting down the hall anyway.

The others followed, three steps behind, eyeing the doorway like it held something quite worse than a demon in it.

After all, they had friends who were demons, they really weren't that bad.

She stopped, facing the airtight doorway, listening to the sound of banging from inside and what she thought to be absent minded lalala's.

"Hm." she said, twiddling her slender fingers thoughtfully.

"All right." she sighed, nodding towards the door. "Open it."

"We'll be right here." Artemis stated, as if she were heading to face her worst nightmare. Minerva smiled at him and it was an odd smile, one that made him feel like he was three. "Right." she replied, sarcastic.

Butler moved forward, punching in the entrance code and stepping back to let the door slide on it's hinges, hissing and whirring in it's wake.

Silence.

All the others had stepped back severely, leaving her to stand in silence, looking into the white room.

Walking carefully in she peeked, scanning the room until she caught sight of a deformed plastic chair and what was left of a table, missing three legs. The girl was in the corner, with her back to her, lalalaing all right, and playing with what she thought might be empty eyeshadow cubes.

"Hello?" Minerva enquired softly, stepping in.

The hiss of the door slamming shut behind her made her jump, turning around to realize she was locked in. Frowning she stared at the doorway, unsettled, but amused still.

Turning back to the girl she walked forward, crouching down beside her, the knee length skirt she wore flowing around her as she moved.

"Hello?" she asked again, looking at the girl.

The poor one was a mess, mascara and snot and dry tears covered her face and her hair, greasy with days of going unwashed was frizzy and limp, cracked lips and bloody fingernails marked her attacks with the others and her clothing was less than clean.

Minerva frowned. "Are you okay?"

Kitty cocked her head, frowning back at her. "...are you here cuz they locked you up too or... are you here to laugh at me?"

"Oh... not, to laugh at you." The young genius shook her head. "No, I'm here to help."

Kitty's eyes widened and she stood. "Can you get me out?" She was on her feet in three seconds flat, making Minerva fall backwards in her surprise.

"Oomph." she muttered, rubbing her backside as she stood up. "I could, but first I think we need to discuss why you're in here in the first place-" she began.

Kitty grabbed the distorted chair, sitting on it primly, as if she were in a shrink session.

"I remember my friends and I were going to see Artemis Fowl, cuz he's like... so hot, you know." she smiled, day dreaming.

"Then. It's all blank."

Minerva stared. "What?"

"I dunno, they dun feed me enough." Kitty grumbled, wrinkling her nose.

"Heh." was all the genius could manage. "I see."

"Yeah. Let me out?"

"Um. Not quite... so... you were with your friends and then what?"

"Oh. I dunno, I got in the house. Such a pretty house, and there was Arty and it didn't occur to me to say hi first, ya know? Cuz he's so hot, so I just went and I hugged him and kissed him and we were having such a good time, and then this huge mountain-"

"Wait wait wait." Minerva hissed. Unknowingly her eyes had narrowed to slits and she stood, back striaght hands clenched.

"You did what?"

Katherine paled slightly, blinking at her. It felt like she was standing in front of... well a monster.

"...You're not one of those obsessed fangirls are you? Cuz like... they're scary... and I'm like... not gonna-"

"You kissed him?" Minerva cried, walking towards her rapidly. Kitty scrambled out of the chair, keeping it between them.

"Well I-"

"Who gave you permission!"

"Are you his girlfriend?"

"YES!"

Silence.

"Oh."

Minerva glared, standing just across from her. If she reached she could probably get a hold of that greasy mat of hair and pull the girl's brains out...

"...right, see... I didn't know he had one... so I was like..." Kitty began and stopped, taking a slight step back.

"Bugger."

Gasping she spun around, pounding the door hard. "Artemis Artemis! Juliet! Anyone? Let me out let me out!"

Minerva walked towards her slowly, taking off her anger quickly, like a shirt, it slid to the ground and was gone, leaving her standing with an innocent expression on her face and her hands behidn her back, looking sweet.

The door opened, Artemis and Butler stood there, looking terrfied. "Minerva!" Artemis called and then recoiled upon seeing Katherine. "What-"

With a cry Kitty shoved past him and out into the hall, making both Holly and Juliet shriek in fear, but the girl was running, amazing in high heels sprinting out the door and well over the front yard towards the gates.

The group of five stood there watching her struggle over the gate and over, gone.

"...what-" Holly began, turning to look at Minerva who was blinking after the fangirl with wide blue eyes.

"She should try long jump, I'm sure she's very talented." She murmured.

The others turned to look at her, something like half fear and adoration decorating their faces. "How did you... do that?" Butler gasped, amazed.

"Do what?" Minerva smiled, all sweetness.

"Will she come back?" Artemis hesitated, glancing nervously at the open front door.

Minerva shook her head. "Not a chance." She smiled again, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'm glad you called. But I've to go. I'll see you all some other time."

Candidly she continued out the door, picking her cellphone from her purse which she had never let go of, already calling her ride to the airport.

"She... is truly one of a kind." Holly gasped as Minerva vanished.

"I..." Artemis began, making everyone else turn to look at him, blinking.

"...need to get an engagement ring."

The End!

* * *

So it's done! If anyone really likes, please leave a review. If you don't leave one too, lol, it's lovely to hear from you all, i know my writing just went downhill from the beginning, but i thought i'd try an ending, for the sake of you all, lol, so there it is.

REVIEW!

-White Scribe


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